one year later..

One year ago today we lost our first little one.. its given valentines a bit of a different meaning for us. Our first sadly passed away at 8-9 weeks.. what added extra sadness was that we found out just before going on holiday.. a holiday which started with a stop over in Paris. It sounds almost too sad to be true – something i was thinking when talking to our bereavement midwife today. We named our little one Babba (that was the nickname we had used throughout) and they have always stayed with us, though the pain was terrible we used it as a resolve to keep moving forwards. We hoped that we would be coming into a year later with good news, but sadly february now holds even more sadness with our loss of Lily. I tried going in to work today hoping to keep myself occupied.. which worked up until a point. After a while i started to feel the sadness boiling over.. i found a quiet place to sit down and then called the bereavement midwife to have a chat. Lots of tears later and i felt exhausted – thats one of the things people rarely tell you about grief, thats its so tiring! The sadness was made even worse by the fact we went to speak with the people handling the arrangements for Lilys ceremony.. its a lot of different things to comprehend, let alone process emotionally. 

I decided it was best to go home early. I came home to find a slightly different vslentines present from my other half – she was part way through cleaning the kitchen (a task i usually do), and i smiled and started to feel better. Despite all of the loss we have faced, we have never faced it alone, we have faced it together. 

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